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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Korean Child Discipline
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Korean Child Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Korean Child Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Korean Child Discipline
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Korean Child Discipline
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Korean Child Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Korean Child Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Korean Child Discipline
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Korean Child Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Korean Child Discipline
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Korean Child Discipline
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Korean Child Discipline
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Korean Child Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Korean Child Discipline
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Korean Child Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.