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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Kumbaya Moment Definition
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Kumbaya Moment Definition
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Kumbaya Moment Definition
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Kumbaya Moment Definition
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Kumbaya Moment Definition
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Kumbaya Moment Definition
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Kumbaya Moment Definition
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Kumbaya Moment Definition
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling under it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Kumbaya Moment Definition
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Kumbaya Moment Definition
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Kumbaya Moment Definition
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Kumbaya Moment Definition
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Kumbaya Moment Definition
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kumbaya Moment Definition
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Kumbaya Moment Definition
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.