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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. La Parentalité Positive
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.La Parentalité Positive
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer La Parentalité Positive
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development La Parentalité Positive
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? La Parentalité Positive
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want La Parentalité Positive
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. La Parentalité Positive
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. La Parentalité Positive
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … La Parentalité Positive
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to want to give first. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. La Parentalité Positive
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. La Parentalité Positive
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? La Parentalité Positive
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? La Parentalité Positive
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. La Parentalité Positive
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. La Parentalité Positive
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