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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Lactation Cookies Peaceful Parenting
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