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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Lactation Cookies Recipe Peaceful Parenting
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