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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Latex Pacifiers
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Latex Pacifiers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Latex Pacifiers
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Latex Pacifiers
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Latex Pacifiers
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Latex Pacifiers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Latex Pacifiers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Latex Pacifiers
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Latex Pacifiers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Latex Pacifiers
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Latex Pacifiers
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Latex Pacifiers
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Latex Pacifiers
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Latex Pacifiers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Latex Pacifiers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.