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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Laura Anger
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Laura Anger
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Laura Anger
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Laura Anger
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Laura Anger
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Laura Anger
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Laura Anger
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Laura Anger
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Laura Anger
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Laura Anger
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Laura Anger
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Laura Anger
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Laura Anger
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Laura Anger
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Laura Anger
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