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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Laura Kids
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Laura Kids
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Laura Kids
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Laura Kids
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Laura Kids
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Laura Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Laura Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Laura Kids
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling below it
• A lot of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Laura Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to agree to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Laura Kids
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Laura Kids
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Laura Kids
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Laura Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Laura Kids
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Laura Kids
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