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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Laura Markham Bio
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Laura Markham Bio
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Laura Markham Bio
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Laura Markham Bio
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Laura Markham Bio
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Laura Markham Bio
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Laura Markham Bio
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (and much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Laura Markham Bio
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Laura Markham Bio
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Laura Markham Bio
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Laura Markham Bio
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Laura Markham Bio
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Laura Markham Bio
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Laura Markham Bio
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Laura Markham Bio
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