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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Laura Markham Coronavirus
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Laura Markham Coronavirus
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Laura Markham Coronavirus
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Laura Markham Coronavirus
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Laura Markham Coronavirus
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Laura Markham Coronavirus
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Laura Markham Coronavirus
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Laura Markham Coronavirus
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Laura Markham Coronavirus
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Laura Markham Coronavirus
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Laura Markham Coronavirus
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Laura Markham Coronavirus
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Laura Markham Coronavirus
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Laura Markham Coronavirus
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Laura Markham Coronavirus
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.