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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and also more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion under it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should agree to offer first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Laura Markham Peaceful Parenting Audiobook
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