Laura Markham Psychologist – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

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Laura Markham Psychologist
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Laura Markham Psychologist

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Laura Markham Psychologist

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Laura Markham Psychologist

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Laura Markham Psychologist

Laura Markham Psychologist

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Laura Markham Psychologist

Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Providing your children whatever they want Laura Markham Psychologist

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than forced control.

Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued

• Helping kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Laura Markham Psychologist

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Below are a number of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mommy or daddy you’ve always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Laura Markham Psychologist

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling beneath it

• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Laura Markham Psychologist

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Laura Markham Psychologist

This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Laura Markham Psychologist

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Laura Markham Psychologist

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Laura Markham Psychologist

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Laura Markham Psychologist

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Laura Markham Psychologist


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