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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Laura Parent
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Laura Parent
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Laura Parent
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Laura Parent
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Laura Parent
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Laura Parent
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Laura Parent
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Laura Parent
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling below it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Laura Parent
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Laura Parent
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Laura Parent
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Laura Parent
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Laura Parent
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Laura Parent
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Laura Parent
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