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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Limited Choice
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Limited Choice
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Limited Choice
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Limited Choice
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Limited Choice
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Limited Choice
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Limited Choice
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Limited Choice
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Limited Choice
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Limited Choice
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Limited Choice
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Limited Choice
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Limited Choice
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Limited Choice
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Limited Choice
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.