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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Limiting Screen Time
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Limiting Screen Time
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Limiting Screen Time
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Limiting Screen Time
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Limiting Screen Time
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Limiting Screen Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Limiting Screen Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Limiting Screen Time
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Limiting Screen Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Limiting Screen Time
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Limiting Screen Time
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Limiting Screen Time
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Limiting Screen Time
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Limiting Screen Time
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Limiting Screen Time
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.