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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. List Of Good Behaviors
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.List Of Good Behaviors
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach List Of Good Behaviors
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development List Of Good Behaviors
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? List Of Good Behaviors
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for List Of Good Behaviors
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always yields far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. List Of Good Behaviors
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. List Of Good Behaviors
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main emotion below it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … List Of Good Behaviors
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we have to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. List Of Good Behaviors
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. List Of Good Behaviors
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? List Of Good Behaviors
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? List Of Good Behaviors
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. List Of Good Behaviors
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. List Of Good Behaviors
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