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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. List Of Household Rules
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.List Of Household Rules
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy List Of Household Rules
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development List Of Household Rules
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? List Of Household Rules
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want List Of Household Rules
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always generates better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. List Of Household Rules
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. List Of Household Rules
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … List Of Household Rules
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. List Of Household Rules
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. List Of Household Rules
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? List Of Household Rules
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? List Of Household Rules
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. List Of Household Rules
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. List Of Household Rules
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.