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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Listen To Anything
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Listen To Anything
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Listen To Anything
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Listen To Anything
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Listen To Anything
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Listen To Anything
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Listen To Anything
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mother or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Listen To Anything
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Listen To Anything
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Listen To Anything
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Listen To Anything
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Listen To Anything
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Listen To Anything
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Listen To Anything
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Listen To Anything
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.