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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Listen To Dr Laura
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Listen To Dr Laura
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Listen To Dr Laura
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Listen To Dr Laura
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Listen To Dr Laura
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Listen To Dr Laura
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Listen To Dr Laura
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always wanted to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Listen To Dr Laura
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Listen To Dr Laura
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Listen To Dr Laura
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Listen To Dr Laura
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Listen To Dr Laura
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Listen To Dr Laura
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Listen To Dr Laura
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Listen To Dr Laura
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