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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Listen To Kids
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Listen To Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Listen To Kids
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Listen To Kids
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Listen To Kids
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Listen To Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Listen To Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Listen To Kids
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Listen To Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Listen To Kids
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Listen To Kids
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Listen To Kids
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Listen To Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Listen To Kids
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Listen To Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.