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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Listening Children
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Listening Children
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Listening Children
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development Listening Children
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Listening Children
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Listening Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Listening Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Listening Children
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Listening Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we need to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Listening Children
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Listening Children
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Listening Children
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Listening Children
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Listening Children
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Listening Children
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