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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Little Kid Whining
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Little Kid Whining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Little Kid Whining
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Little Kid Whining
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Little Kid Whining
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Little Kid Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Little Kid Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Little Kid Whining
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Little Kid Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we must be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Little Kid Whining
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Little Kid Whining
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Little Kid Whining
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Little Kid Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Little Kid Whining
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Little Kid Whining
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.