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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Little Kids Fighting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Little Kids Fighting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Little Kids Fighting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Little Kids Fighting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Little Kids Fighting
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Little Kids Fighting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Little Kids Fighting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Little Kids Fighting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Little Kids Fighting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Little Kids Fighting
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Little Kids Fighting
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Little Kids Fighting
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Little Kids Fighting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Little Kids Fighting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Little Kids Fighting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.