Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Lose Weight Picky Eater
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Lose Weight Picky Eater
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Lose Weight Picky Eater
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Lose Weight Picky Eater
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Lose Weight Picky Eater
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Lose Weight Picky Eater
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Lose Weight Picky Eater
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Lose Weight Picky Eater
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Lose Weight Picky Eater
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Lose Weight Picky Eater
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Lose Weight Picky Eater
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Lose Weight Picky Eater
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Lose Weight Picky Eater
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Lose Weight Picky Eater
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Lose Weight Picky Eater
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.