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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Losing Temper With Baby
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Losing Temper With Baby
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Losing Temper With Baby
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Losing Temper With Baby
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Losing Temper With Baby
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Losing Temper With Baby
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Losing Temper With Baby
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also much more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Losing Temper With Baby
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Losing Temper With Baby
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Losing Temper With Baby
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Losing Temper With Baby
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Losing Temper With Baby
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Losing Temper With Baby
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Losing Temper With Baby
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Losing Temper With Baby
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.