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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Love Your Child Unconditionally
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Love Your Child Unconditionally
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Love Your Child Unconditionally
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Love Your Child Unconditionally
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Love Your Child Unconditionally
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Love Your Child Unconditionally
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Love Your Child Unconditionally
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Love Your Child Unconditionally
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling below it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Love Your Child Unconditionally
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we should agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Love Your Child Unconditionally
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Love Your Child Unconditionally
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Love Your Child Unconditionally
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Love Your Child Unconditionally
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Love Your Child Unconditionally
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Love Your Child Unconditionally
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