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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Love Your Children Unconditionally
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Love Your Children Unconditionally
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Love Your Children Unconditionally
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Love Your Children Unconditionally
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Love Your Children Unconditionally
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Love Your Children Unconditionally
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Love Your Children Unconditionally
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Love Your Children Unconditionally
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Love Your Children Unconditionally
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Love Your Children Unconditionally
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Love Your Children Unconditionally
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Love Your Children Unconditionally
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Love Your Children Unconditionally
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Love Your Children Unconditionally
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Love Your Children Unconditionally
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.