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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Love Your Children
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Love Your Children
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Love Your Children
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy child development Love Your Children
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Love Your Children
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Love Your Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Love Your Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mother or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Love Your Children
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Love Your Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Love Your Children
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Love Your Children
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Love Your Children
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Love Your Children
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Love Your Children
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Love Your Children
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.