Mean Step Dad – How I Applied Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

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Mean Step Dad
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Mean Step Dad

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Mean Step Dad

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Mean Step Dad

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting method.

I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Mean Step Dad

Mean Step Dad

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Mean Step Dad

First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children whatever they want Mean Step Dad

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.

Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Mean Step Dad

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mother or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Get to the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Mean Step Dad

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it

• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Mean Step Dad

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Mean Step Dad

This does not imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Mean Step Dad

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Mean Step Dad

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Mean Step Dad

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Mean Step Dad

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Mean Step Dad


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