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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Meaning Of Positiveness
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Meaning Of Positiveness
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Meaning Of Positiveness
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Meaning Of Positiveness
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Meaning Of Positiveness
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Meaning Of Positiveness
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Meaning Of Positiveness
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Meaning Of Positiveness
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Meaning Of Positiveness
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to give first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Meaning Of Positiveness
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Meaning Of Positiveness
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Meaning Of Positiveness
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Meaning Of Positiveness
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Meaning Of Positiveness
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Meaning Of Positiveness
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