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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Methods Of Discipline
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Methods Of Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Methods Of Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Methods Of Discipline
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Methods Of Discipline
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Methods Of Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Methods Of Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Methods Of Discipline
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Methods Of Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Methods Of Discipline
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Methods Of Discipline
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Methods Of Discipline
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Methods Of Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Methods Of Discipline
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Methods Of Discipline
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