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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Middle Aged Child
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Middle Aged Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Middle Aged Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Middle Aged Child
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Middle Aged Child
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Middle Aged Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Middle Aged Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Middle Aged Child
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Middle Aged Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Middle Aged Child
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Middle Aged Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Middle Aged Child
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Middle Aged Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Middle Aged Child
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Middle Aged Child
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