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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Middle Child Behavior Problems
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Middle Child Behavior Problems
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Middle Child Behavior Problems
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Middle Child Behavior Problems
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Middle Child Behavior Problems
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Middle Child Behavior Problems
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Middle Child Behavior Problems
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Middle Child Behavior Problems
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Middle Child Behavior Problems
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Middle Child Behavior Problems
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Middle Child Behavior Problems
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Middle Child Behavior Problems
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Middle Child Behavior Problems
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Middle Child Behavior Problems
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Middle Child Behavior Problems
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