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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Mind Positive Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Mind Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Mind Positive Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Mind Positive Parenting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Mind Positive Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Mind Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Mind Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Mind Positive Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Mind Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Mind Positive Parenting
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Mind Positive Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Mind Positive Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Mind Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Mind Positive Parenting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Mind Positive Parenting
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