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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Misbehaving Child Punishment
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Misbehaving Child Punishment
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Misbehaving Child Punishment
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Misbehaving Child Punishment
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Misbehaving Child Punishment
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Misbehaving Child Punishment
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Misbehaving Child Punishment
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (as well as extra common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Misbehaving Child Punishment
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Misbehaving Child Punishment
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Misbehaving Child Punishment
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Misbehaving Child Punishment
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Misbehaving Child Punishment
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Misbehaving Child Punishment
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Misbehaving Child Punishment
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Misbehaving Child Punishment
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