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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Mistaken Goal Chart
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Mistaken Goal Chart
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Mistaken Goal Chart
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Mistaken Goal Chart
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Mistaken Goal Chart
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Mistaken Goal Chart
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Mistaken Goal Chart
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Mistaken Goal Chart
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Mistaken Goal Chart
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Mistaken Goal Chart
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Mistaken Goal Chart
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Mistaken Goal Chart
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Mistaken Goal Chart
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Mistaken Goal Chart
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Mistaken Goal Chart
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.