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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Molyneux Peaceful Parenting
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