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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Mommy Groove Therapy & Parent Coaching Manhattan Olivia Bergeron, Lcsw New York, Ny
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