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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it
• A lot of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Most Effective Way To Discipline A Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.