Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Most Popular Parenting Books
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Most Popular Parenting Books
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Most Popular Parenting Books
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Most Popular Parenting Books
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Most Popular Parenting Books
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Most Popular Parenting Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Most Popular Parenting Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Most Popular Parenting Books
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Most Popular Parenting Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Most Popular Parenting Books
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Most Popular Parenting Books
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Most Popular Parenting Books
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Most Popular Parenting Books
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Most Popular Parenting Books
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Most Popular Parenting Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.