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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Motivate Teenager
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Motivate Teenager
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Motivate Teenager
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Motivate Teenager
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Motivate Teenager
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Motivate Teenager
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Motivate Teenager
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Motivate Teenager
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling below it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Motivate Teenager
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Motivate Teenager
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Motivate Teenager
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Motivate Teenager
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Motivate Teenager
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Motivate Teenager
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Motivate Teenager
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