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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Motivate Teenagers
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Motivate Teenagers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Motivate Teenagers
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Motivate Teenagers
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Motivate Teenagers
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Motivate Teenagers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Motivate Teenagers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Motivate Teenagers
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling under it
• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Motivate Teenagers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Motivate Teenagers
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Motivate Teenagers
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Motivate Teenagers
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Motivate Teenagers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Motivate Teenagers
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Motivate Teenagers
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