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When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Motivation Teen
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Motivation Teen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Motivation Teen
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Motivation Teen
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Motivation Teen
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Motivation Teen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always yields better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Motivation Teen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Motivation Teen
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Motivation Teen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Motivation Teen
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Motivation Teen
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Motivation Teen
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Motivation Teen
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Motivation Teen
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Motivation Teen
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