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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we need to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. My 11 Month Old Is Throwing Tantrums
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