My 13 Year Old – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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My 13 Year Old
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. My 13 Year Old

There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.My 13 Year Old

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer My 13 Year Old

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development My 13 Year Old

My 13 Year Old

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? My 13 Year Old

Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they want My 13 Year Old

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting results than harsh control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control

• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. My 13 Year Old

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to become the mama or dad you’ve always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. My 13 Year Old

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling beneath it

• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … My 13 Year Old

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. My 13 Year Old

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. My 13 Year Old

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? My 13 Year Old

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My 13 Year Old

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My 13 Year Old

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. My 13 Year Old


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