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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. My 14 Year Old Daughter
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.My 14 Year Old Daughter
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan My 14 Year Old Daughter
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy child development My 14 Year Old Daughter
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? My 14 Year Old Daughter
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for My 14 Year Old Daughter
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. My 14 Year Old Daughter
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My 14 Year Old Daughter
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … My 14 Year Old Daughter
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. My 14 Year Old Daughter
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. My 14 Year Old Daughter
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? My 14 Year Old Daughter
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? My 14 Year Old Daughter
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My 14 Year Old Daughter
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. My 14 Year Old Daughter
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