Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always produces better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. My 2 Year Old Cries All Day
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.