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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy child development My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. My 2 Year Old Cries All The Time
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