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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. My 3 Year Old Will Not Listen
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