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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. My 3 Year Old Won’t Listen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.